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Hello baseball, it’s me — COVID-19. I’m here, I’m there, I’m everywhere. I’m so big, I’m activity to cull a Joel Embiid and accord myself a appellation — The Ubiquitous 1-9.

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I apologize for bringing out the affliction in you, and by you I beggarly the owners and the players union. I was absolutely afraid it took so little time for you to map out the bloom protocols to anticipate me from advancing your clubhouses and ballparks, but you could not accomplish any advance on your dollar disagreements alike afterwards months and months of talking at anniversary other.

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You apparently shouldn’t feel too assured about those 67 pages of bloom protocols, either. Did you see Tuesday’s news? Two added Phillies players and two added agents associates accept COVID-19. For those of you scoring at home, that’s seven Phillies players and bristles agents associates adulterated by the coronavirus.

Don’t feel too bad, though. Ubiquitous 1-9 is a multisport virus. Novak Djokovic is the No. 1 tennis amateur in the world, but that did not anticipate him from advancing bottomward with COVID-19 afterwards abiding to the cloister in an exhibition tour.

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Pick a aggregation in academy football and do a web chase to see if it has been adulterated by COVID-19. You ability be afraid to apprentice how abounding places area the acknowledgment is yes, and the programs are alone in the autonomous conditioning appearance of their summer training. In January, LSU and Clemson played for a civic championship. This month, they accept both been clumsy to avert adjoin COVID-19.

Sooner or afterwards baseball, you’re activity to accept to alpha answering some boxy questions about arena in a COVID-19 world.

Here are some questions with some acceptable COVID-19 answers:

_If the division begins and the three best players on one aggregation all get infected, doesn’t that appealing abundant end any adventitious that aggregation has of authoritative the playoffs during a 60-game season?

The COVID-19 answer: What has happened to the Phillies is affidavit that this book could absolutely action already comedy resumes. The admirers are activity to either beam at you or be affronted with you if you alpha the division and accept to stop it.

_How are you activity to anticipate players from activity out at night on the alley back all the states accept reopened?

The COVID-19 answer: We apperceive your agreement prohibits aggregation cadre from bistro at restaurants, but if you accept apparent what has been activity on about the country back it reopened, you can’t possibly be assured that all players will accept by this guideline.

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_No spitting? Really?

The COVID-19 answer: Too active laughing. The over-under on this aphorism actuality followed is a half-inning at anniversary ballpark. It’s absolutely not funny, however, because that long-running addiction of baseball players could be a coronavirus cool spreader.

_Is baseball hopeful its protocols can assignment because of the success of the KBO at attention adjoin the coronavirus?

The COVID-19 answer: The KBO is not a acceptable archetypal for Major League Baseball because the appulse of the coronavirus in the United States has been so abundant greater than the appulse in South Korea.

_What are you activity to do if addition dies from the virus?

The COVID-19 answer: The virus, based on the data, is added of a spreader than a analgesic in adolescent people. But aloof one afterlife of a player, coach, manager, or anybody abroad who makes a active about the ballclub will be a tragedy that is never abandoned and should never be forgiven.

Without the Ubiquitous 1-9, it looked like the 2020 baseball division had some absolute promise. At the actual least, it was activity to advice admirers get accomplished the Houston Astros’ cheating scandal. COVID-19 did that instead. You’re welcome, Houston.

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Now, admitting Ubiquitous 1-9’s extensive presence, the amateur will go on alike admitting you players and owners assume to absolutely abhor anniversary other. You’ll get your TV acquirement and you’ll at atomic get a glimpse of the approaching with the accepted appointed hitter.

You’ll additionally get a adventitious to see if you like the gimmick of starting a agent at additional abject with cipher out in added innings. It’s a little bit like the three-on-three overtime and shootout in the NHL. The traditionalists will acquaint you they abhorrence it, but they’ll watch it and acquisition it entertaining.

I absolutely admired the abstraction of broadcast playoffs, abnormally afterwards a 60-game season, but you guys messed that up.

Well, I’m still here, baseball, and you don’t assume to be apropos my attendance about enough. I’ve apparent the predictions for October. A additional beachcomber of Ubiquitous 1-9 is added acceptable than almanac Apple Series ratings. This you can coffer on: Fifty years from now, COVID-19 will be remembered a lot added than your chancy 2020 baseball season.

———

©2020 The Philadelphia Inquirer

Visit The Philadelphia Appellant at www.inquirer.com

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