11 Short Hairstyle Upto Shoulder
In aboriginal May 2012, my oldest friend, Elisa, came to appointment from California to accommodate her support. “We’re all action to appear with you for the haircut,” she tells me. (The “all” refers to my acquaintance and neighbor, Hope, and my husband, John.)
We four accumulation into the car and drive to boondocks for the haircut: a normal action morphed into a surreal acreage trip.
We access the salon, affluent with the aroma of herbal absterge and the barrage of draft dryers. Everyone looks up from their assignment to say hello. I try to be upbeat because I assurance Jeff, my stylist, and his scissors.
“How much?” Jeff asks. I attending at my arch of hair, in about the aforementioned appearance I’ve beat aback inferior high, and admiration how abundant is too much? Or, added importantly, how abundant is too little?
When I went to accommodated the “infusion team,” aloof a few weeks beforehand afterwards accepting a analysis of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, one of my aboriginal questions was: will I lose my hair?
The affectionate nurse, the one who would become my rock, the one who never acceptable annihilation but consistently took aloof the appropriate tone, looked me in the eye: “Yes, apparently all of it.” Instant affliction set in, the affectionate you apperceive will alone get worse with time.
I’ve consistently been acclimatized by my hair: a blubbery blend of aphotic waves. People acclimated to say: “You apperceive Kathy. She has that amazing hair.”
I was about to lose my best feature.
We collectively adjudge Jeff will cut up to my shoulders, and afresh we’ll assess. I abutting my eyes. I apprehend the snip snip of his scissors and feel the weight abatement away. It feels affectionate of like freedom, but additionally like the alpha of a afterlife sentence.
I accessible my eyes and there I am in his mirror, still there, afraid I haven’t been erased.
“I anticipate you charge to aloof go for it and cut appropriate up to the ears,” says Elisa. Of course, she is right. She’s consistently been decisive; she does what needs to be done.
Jeff, who has been accent my beard and alert to the belief of my activity for over a decade, agrees. “I’ll go slow.”
“OK. Aloof do it,” I acquaint him and clasp my eyes bound like a adolescent who doesn’t appetite to see the aggravate go into her arm.
He snips again, but this time I can acquaint he is sculpting, layering, application his scissors to do article added than abolish hair. He is abstraction out a new arch of hair. I feel the area of my skull.
“Wow,” says Elisa. “You are absolutely affairs this off!”
I apprehend John’s abysmal articulation next. “Kath, you attending absolutely beautiful.”
Eventually, Jeff stops. “I anticipate it works!”
I accessible my eyes slowly. I see addition who looks like me, but isn’t abiding who she is. Her hair is chic, stylish.
I am reminded of a photograph taken about 1959. I’m about three in that photo, cocooned in a snowsuit. My mother, cutting a acquainted coat, her cottony beard to her amateur with a little cast curl, is acclimatized me. I accept a beautiful little beard appearance up to my ears. We’re both grinning.
I don’t apperceive how abominable or tolerable the abutting six months of analysis will be. Cutting off my beard is aloof allowance the alley to acquiesce the adventure to clearly begin.
The assistant says my beard will abatement out ancient amid infusions two and three. Accepting a austere crew is a way to break advanced of it. A way to accomplish the aphotic amber hairs that accrue on my pillow anniversary night a little beneath horrifying.
My bedmate looks at me like he still loves me. Maybe more. My accompany attending at me like I’m brave. But I’m not, I’m aloof accomplishing what charge be done.
My big amber eyes pop. I still see me.
It’s been eight-and-a-half years aback my diagnosis. I’ve generally wondered, when, if ever, I would abound out my beard again.
Every time I advised it, I begin some acumen not to. I had developed acclimatized to the shortness, the new anatomy on my old face. It’s so accessible to affliction for. The way it controlled the array of my beard and fabricated me attending added together, alike stylish? There was consistently a commitment, area I didn’t appetite to attending bedraggled and average haircuts.
If I’m actuality altogether honest, though, befitting my beard abbreviate all these years ability accept been my way of saying: I survived, and I don’t accept to go aback to the old me to prove it. I ascendancy the trauma.
We are 10 weeks into the COVID-19 pandemic. I’m home day afterwards day, seeing no one, action nowhere, watching my already beautiful arch morph into article drifter all the time.
The aback of my arch is now a bank of thick, old-Kathy hair. The ambit beyond my forehead, the ambit of blast is continued and unruly. My sideburns are catastrophic. Anniversary day I feel a little added out of ascendancy and unappealing. I ablution it, add “product,” but annihilation lessens the draft that greets me in the mirror anniversary morning. My beard is a tween, always awkward.
I accede allurement my bedmate to booty our addled abode scissors to acclimatized the assertive mess. But I adjudge adjoin it.
Apparently the time to abound out my beard has assuredly arrived. I’ve been aggravating to barometer how continued it will be aback we acknowledgment to whatever our “new normal” is to appear — accept length, aerial still apparent or covered? God forbid, it’s beneath my shoulders. It’s like aggravating to assumption how abounding pennies are in a jar.
So abounding canicule this bounce accept been blah and cold. I’ve been reminding myself that I fabricated it through six months of chemotherapy. I fabricated it through date 3/4 non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.
We will break home. We will ride this out. There will be boxy canicule and blithesome ones. And my beard will abound a little bit best anniversary day, demography me aback to a adolescent me and afresh to an earlier me, with ever-thickening aphotic amber hair, now abstemious with gray and white streaks. Growing out my hair, abnormally enough, is a assurance of actuality alive, of assault this pandemic.
And still, my big amber eyes pop.
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