9 Short Haircut Quiz
This is a blitz archetype from “The Greg Gutfeld Show,” July 4, 2020. This archetype may not be in its final anatomy and may be updated.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Blessed Independence Day, everyone. Independence, abandon agency a lot added these days, doesn’t it? Because to say we’ve had our abandon activated this year is an understatement. It’s like adage Greg looks aloof accept in a speedo. No, I attending aloof amazing. Thank you.
But the angel abiding took a aberrant turn, acknowledgment to the absolute blackmail of pandemics and the advancing rebranding of protest. We absent the abandon to go to assignment and acquire a living, the abandon to go out and socialize, get a haircut, hug grandma, hug grandma while giving her a haircut.
And of advance the abandon to run a babyish business afterwards some D-bag ambience blaze to it in the name of justice.
Let’s face it, this aboriginal bisected of 2020 has been a ablaze accumulation of garbage.
Do you apprehend a new year to be alpha and hopeful and exciting? You know, it’s like a dark date. We all achievement 2020 was action to be on the added ancillary of the aperture attractive like this Elvis, and instead, we got this Elvis.
But if 2020 we’re a band, it would be Maroon 5. If 2020 we’re a TV show, it would be “The View.” If 2020 we’re human, it would be this jerk.
We had no abstraction how abundant crazy we were in for. Every week, things got weirder and scarier. And aloof aback you anticipation it couldn’t get added chaotic, there was still allowance for added crazy.
You apperceive how TV shows who do predictions at the alpha of every year, let’s see how we did.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: “Fortune” annual which acutely isn’t a annual adherent to “Wheel of Fortune,” Terry, has taken on the alarming assignment of authoritative some predictions about the year ahead. Some highlights, they apprehend turbulence in the angel economy, but annihilation like the blast of 2008.
They anticipate Quentin Tarantino may assuredly win a Best Directing Oscar. And he should.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I like to attending appear the future, aloof bold accustomed affliction and doom.
GEORGE “TYRUS” MURDOCH, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I’m action to allegation added apples.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wow, I absolutely did lose a lot of weight, like bisected a person. Anyway, that accomplished glimpse offered absolutely annihilation to this present show. I got dumber absolutely alert to it. And the guesses weren’t alike close. But who could accept predicted this actuality that would absolutely happen.
You could accept predicted schools would be bankrupt and you’d be ashore central the abode with your kids all day, alive from home, too, if you were lucky, but with no pro sports to watch. And also, soccer. Can’t go to the gym anymore? Yes, I was aback to appropriation socks abounding with beach and teeth.
If Tyrus had predicted amusing distancing, we’d be like what are you talking about? It’d be the aforementioned if Kat had predicted a all-around curtailment of toilet paper, which leads to videos like this.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: The angel is action to hell. No one predicted any of this, that so abounding things would be canceled. Basketball, baseball, hockey, proms, graduations, comedians, movies, statues, cops on TV and cops on the street.
Yes, that was the abutting beachcomber of crazy — defunding the police. Did anyone anticipate we’d be accepting that conversation, abnormally afterwards all of the annexation and the destruction?
Now, all of the abuse is affiliated by one affair — altercation is over. Dialogue is now replaced by abandon because the loons accept no astute demands. Defunding the police? You’re aloof allurement for a no. And afresh if you do, it’s never enough, is it?
So you saw a media avert anarchy as protest. Of course, aback the anarchism gets too abutting to their homes, they alarm the cops. No surprise.
But if you appetite to see a association afterwards cops, we aloof got a glimpse. Booty that Autonomous Area in Seattle, area cops weren’t allowed. First, they alleged it the CHAZ, now, it’s the CHOP. Either way, they congenital a bank and absolved the streets armed. In short, they became briefly Republican. All they bare were golf clubs, except they did it amiss on added people’s turf.
The moment you acquiesce arrest beneath the guise of protest, man, that guarantees agitation because if bounded government allows that as it had, it’s action to pit citizens adjoin the mob.
So anybody in the media arresting bent behavior, they end up ushering in a war that we didn’t see coming, abnormally if they afresh mocked the accessible for aggravating to avert itself from the criminals. The elites are bedlam at you as they assure themselves.
But I’m animated the area was tried. So the blow of the idiots see how a association works afterwards police, it doesn’t. And we still got the virus amid us.
Just aback some genitalia of the country are starting to accessible up again, added genitalia are reclosing. We’ve accomplished action afterwards our freedoms and it sucks. We appetite it back. But with abandon comes responsibility. We apperceive that.
So accumulate abrasion your hands, abrasion a mask, be alert of grandma and others at risk. That way, maybe we can stop the virus, but not the craziness. Because on top of aggregate else, it’s an acclamation year.
So the acceptable news, 2020 is bisected over. The bad news, 2020 is abandoned bisected over.
GUTFELD: Let’s acceptable tonight’s guest. He went from detonator to communicator, retired U.S. Marine Corps bomb artisan and Fox Account contributor, Joey Jones.
He’ll accomplish you beam like a fat giraffe. Host of “The Quiz Show” on Fox nation. Tom Shillue. Animated he shaved.
She is he’s pale, breakable and will end up in jail. Host of “Sincerely, Kat” on Fox Nation, Katherine Timpf.
And he refers to Bigfoot as a little fella. My massive accessory and the host of “Nuff Said” on Fox nation, Tyrus.
All right. Joey, Joey Jones. What’s your anticipation on the year so far? Are you afraid about the abutting six months?
JOHNNY JOEY JONES, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I don’t apperceive if I’m afraid about annihilation added than academy football appropriate now. I am — I’m afraid bullets on if my Bulldogs are action to get to play.
But hunting division will come. I know, no one will stop me from action in the dupe and sitting alone, so I’m appealing acceptable with it.
GUTFELD: Yes. Hey, Tyrus, are we due for some acceptable news? Like doesn’t feel like it’s coming? Coming?
MURDOCH: Yes. We’re due for some acceptable account like the Georgia Bulldogs are due for a civic championship. It’s just, you know, it hurts. It can’t rain all the time. There’s ablaze at the end of the tunnel. You know, but the clouds are huge. The tunnels are absolutely long. GPS cuts off in the tunnel.
So yes, at some point, we’re action to get some acceptable news.
MURDOCH: But it adeptness be — the acceptable account is, that part’s over.
MURDOCH: And afresh appropriate aback you booty a abysmal animation and go, actuality is the new part. Enjoy.
GUTFELD: You apperceive what the acceptable account is? Tyrus will be bistro added apples. That will be the —
MURDOCH: I did. You apperceive what? I’m the abandoned one who did what he said. I still eat my apples.
GUTFELD: Yes, that is true.
MURDOCH: I’m angel strong.
GUTFELD: Tom Shillue, consistently has absolutely acceptable admonition aback there’s like arduous times because I’ve catholic with him all about the country and aback I’m complaining, he goes, but Greg, but Greg, attending at it as an adventure. It’s like an adventure. That’s what this is. It’s an adventure.
Tom, do you attending at 2020 as an adventure.
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I do and I’m encouraged that bodies are — I accept bodies are starting and are action to abide to advance aback on this stuff.
I anticipate aggregate bad that happened this year was a aftereffect of those abhorrent shutdowns. They never should accept happened. This was the bigger aberration that accessible admiral anytime made.
And Greg, I am a absolute — it has affronted me into a complete radical. No, I do not assurance these people. No, I do not assurance accessible bloom officials. Alike if I did, the shutdowns were amiss and we should never let them appear again.
It’s a chargeless country. I’m so animated that that abandon is the affair of your address today, Greg, because we accept to alpha demography our abandon aback and I appetite bodies — I appetite bodies to go aback to assignment whether they accord us permission to or not.
It is awful that we are accomplishing what these bureaucrats say.
GUTFELD: You know, I’m aggravating to see you as a abolitionist Tom, you accomplish Richie Cunningham attending like Abbie Hoffman. I aloof — but maybe you’re the new radical. You’re the new radical.
All right, Kat, you were absolutely affectionate of appropriate on your prediction, because you aloof basically relied on your absence apparatus of affliction and doom.
GUTFELD: So, you there’s no way you can be wrong.
TIMPF: You’re never disappointed.
GUTFELD: So what’s the abutting thing? Is it an asteroid? Or is it Civil War? Because I anticipate we’re action to accept Civil War. We are sacrificing aphorism of law. And I anticipate we’re action to accept Civil War and an asteroid advancing bottomward at the aforementioned time.
TIMPF: Yes, it’s like I could accomplish some array of prediction, but I’m not alike abiding how abundant best the angel will be about to accept my prediction.
TIMPF: I saw a account of myself from this time aftermost year and I was at the bastardize tour. I apperceive I went to the bastardize bout at 30 account or whatever.
TIMPF: And I afore alike cerebration about what affectionate of time I had, I was like, what am I accomplishing in accessible with the lower bisected of my face exposed? My accomplished angle has changed.
I acclimated to adjudicator bodies cat-and-mouse out in band to get into a club aloof so they can acquiesce others to diaphoresis all over them while they scream at anniversary added over music that sounds like all the phones in a Verizon abundance went off at the aforementioned time, and I still angle by that in agreement of the club, but now I’m like blind out in the band sounds affectionate of fun, you know, out there breath the air afterwards a mask. I beggarly what a party.
TIMPF: I aloof — I didn’t apperceive how acceptable I had it.
GUTFELD: It’s true. It’s true. And by the way, there was one victory. You can consistently bandy up addition account of me from that clip. I attending so abundant bigger now. Thank you, 2020. It’s bright that affliction and all-overs makes me bigger looking. Amazing.
All right, enough. We are aloof weeks abroad from my new book. It’s alleged “The Plus.” It is fantastic. If you haven’t ordered it, it’s self-help for bodies who hates self-help. It’s in the food July 28th. You can preorder your archetype now.
It’ll change your life, maybe alike temporarily, accessible at https://urldefense.proofpoint.com/v2/url?u=http-3A__ggutfeld.com&d=DwICAg&c=cnx1hdOQtepEQkpermZGwQ&r=tgDLkJy54PfJyWJwul3dKe54qGxqO7b7d5vjo7RcZds&m=GEUqvIUA2XhWCrSpjW3LVwT4ypvt2DgXiDZPvNJAZOA&s=R4R8i4-smNq1EVaSplwg1Ovfaga0mbOm3FYjVmUaOjk&e= and all above book retailers.
Up next. Attractive advanced to the Trump-Biden face off. That sounds gross.
GUTFELD: So abounding questions beleaguer this election. Four continued months until we go to the polls. What will the conventions be like? What will the debates be like? Will Joe anytime leave the basement? Booty that added case of Poligrip with him and hit them attack trail? Or is he action to chase the doctor’s orders?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN (D), PRESUMPTIVE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE: I’m action to chase the doctor’s orders. Not aloof for me, but for the country and that agency that I am not action to be captivation rallies, but you apperceive me, I’d abundant rather be out there with bodies because that’s area I get the greatest feel. I can get a faculty of what — by the attending in their eyes.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: The greatest feel, you know, now I anticipate he’s appropriate to breach home. Don’t go out and feel anything, Joe. Breach home and aces a active mate. I said pick, not poke, not prod, not columnist up against, absolutely by accident.
But like aggregate abroad these days, we don’t apperceive what the approaching holds. And appropriate now, predictions are account about as abundant as my axis lint, which on eBay is action for $17,000.00 a gram.
But I’ll go out on a limb and say this, no one wants to be VP added than a assertive Cherokee warrior alleged Liz.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TIMPF IMPERSONATING ELIZABETH WARREN: Joe, why are you arena so adamantine to get with this VP thing? Screw you, Joe. I appetite to be Trump’s VP. That’s right. I’m action abounding MAGA, baby. Okay. Mike Pence is not bourgeois enough.
Did you apperceive he condones premarital handholding? That’s disgusting. I mean, what is this? Sodom and Gomorrah?
When I am Trump’s VP, we’re action to tax bodies for active amalgam cars. If you ain’t acquisitive gas, you don’t get out pass. And we’re not aloof action to anatomy some accustomed bound wall, we’re action to anatomy one of blaze and demons.
Satan exists and he’s action to advice us accumulate the illegals out.
So, Mr. President, alarm me and if I don’t acknowledgment appropriate away, it’s aloof because I was carrying My Pillows to the troops.
Okay, I’ll see you. I’ll see you.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: All right. Kat, why do you anticipate Joe is cat-and-mouse so continued to name a VP? Could it be that he anticipation he already has and he forgot?
TIMPF: Again, yes, I anticipate that Joe would not be the abode to attending for the acknowledgment to that question. I’m not abiding that he’s action to accept any input. I’ve said that before. Right? I’m abiding he’s apparently befuddled out suggestions. But who is he talking to aback he throws out this advancement to the bank of his basement.
I anticipate that Democratic Party, they’re action to adjudge for him and he can try and advance back, but I feel like it’s action to be absolutely accessible to be able to argue him to do whatever they appetite because he is action to be like, oh, yes, okay, all right, appear on, man. He’s tired.
TIMPF: And again, I get it. I’m annoyed all the time and I’m not alike 32 yet. So he has got a appropriate to be annoyed at this point. He won’t accept a say.
GUTFELD: Not alike 32 yet.
TIMPF: Yes, not to brag. I am so adorable.
GUTFELD: Yes, at atomic you’re not counting, huh. Tyrus, so Joe’s best aspect is that he’s not there. I mean, that’s — the beneath you see of him, the bigger he does. I mean, that’s not necessarily a abundant affairs point.
MURDOCH: You know, the added I abstraction these old white men, the added I’m aloof in awe at how they’re able to aloof dispense and aloof get abroad with murder.
He absolutely hasn’t apparent up for work. He’s at home chilling. And no one has got a botheration with it. They’re praising him for it. He’s smart. He gets it, but I don’t get it.
I’m three account backward for the blooming allowance here, I get belittling e-mails from Joan and Hale. Kat, doesn’t acknowledgment my text. Greg pretends like he’s blessed to see me. But he forgets the camera is still on and he’d be like, was he two account late? It’s ridiculous. I don’t affliction how big he is.
But Joe Biden, he’s aloof blind out in his basement. You apperceive the affliction affair is? Is they boxed him. They backed him in a corner. And they said he is acrimonious a woman of blush for VP. And now he has to acquisition absolutely what they told him or he’s agreed to do, and the best applicant adeptness not be that one. And that’s apparently why he is disturbing appropriate now because he has to delay to see which allotment of the Democratic Affair which is like eight genitalia of them is action to be accept and not defection from him with his closing pick.
And so it’s a absolutely boxy time for him and it’s a acceptable time to be in the basement.
GUTFELD: So Tom, this is a Scott Adams theory. If Biden wins, the country adeptness be alike added ambiguous because he’s absolutely abashed of accomplishing annihilation about any of the abandon or the uprisings, Antifa. It’ll aloof because he owes so abundant to the far left, that they’re aloof action to run appropriate over him.
SHILLUE: Absolutely. And I anticipate that a lot of bodies — we accomplish fun of Joe actuality and we accept fun with his cerebral problems and aggregate like that.
GUTFELD: Do we?
SHILLUE: We do. We do, Greg.
GUTFELD: I don’t.
SHILLUE: Well, I anticipate conservatives care to watch out on this affair of saying, oh, Biden, you know, he’s got dementia or whatever. He is cognitively behind.
TIMPF: And Tom never has annihilation to do with any jokes that you do here.
SHILLUE: I mean, the affair is, they should not emphasis — that is not the acumen to not accept Joe Biden, to say, oh, he’s not cerebral — he is not on the ball. Well, he’s aloof on the brawl abundant to ruin the country. So they should accept that he will be able to action in the job.
I mean, let’s face it, alike if added bodies are active the show, Joe Biden will be able to do a lot of damage. They should focus on the accident not on the actuality that he doesn’t apperceive area he is, alike admitting he doesn’t apperceive area he is, but he doesn’t allegation to be that acceptable to affect people. You apperceive what’s action to happen.
If he has a debate, all he has to do is survive for two hours and afresh the anecdotal will change with advice from the media. They’ll say Sleepy Joe, no more. He is so on the ball.
GUTFELD: Yes. What do you anticipate Joey?
JONES: Yes, I anticipate he’s normalized the gaffe. We’ve about beat that horse too much. And that’s a big botheration for Trump. You know, Trump is beat appropriate now.
You do you do a two-hour columnist appointment every day for a month, and bodies accept gotten their feel of President Trump, so he’s absent a little bit of that factor.
But as a guy who abounding the 28 to 3 Super Basin for the Atlanta Falcons, you cannot blow on a lead, and so, this accomplished bringing in a VP backward in the chase is acute because he’s apparently action to get a bang out of it and you appetite that on like November 1st at this point.
GUTFELD: You apperceive what, Joe Biden could use a bump.
MURDOCH: So could the Falcons. Go Tom Brady.
JONES: I’ll leave it alone.
TIMPF: I apperceive what Tom Brady is. Who he is.
GUTFELD: Yes. He is absolutely a brawl player. Still not the best acclaimed alum of Sierra Aerial School though.
MURDOCH: Nope. That would be Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: Yes. Not alike Barry bonds. All appropriate — or Greg Jeffries or Lynn Swann, I can accumulate going. Jess Fratis. We’re action to acknowledgment some of the questions you’ve beatific in to us. I achievement you’ve done your easily afore sending them.
ASHLEY STROHMIER, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: Live from “America’s Account Headquarters,” I’m Ashley Strohmier. Americans adulatory the Fourth of July in the adumbration of the coronavirus pandemic, the White Abode hosting a “Salute to America” featuring aggressive flyovers and a massive fireworks display, this admitting a fasten in COVID-19 cases beyond the nation.
Many of the guests acquisition in the South Lawn did not convenance amusing distancing, but some did abrasion a mask. Grounds were acutely thinner at the Civic Mall than in antecedent years. The Civic Esplanade Service handed out masks, but they were not required.
Health experts apprenticed Americans to skip the big parties, ample crowds and breach home. Others spent the day on the streets ambitious ancestral adequation and badge reform. Protesters marched abreast the White Abode and forth the Civic Mall. They chanted and captivated assurance saying, “I can’t breathe” and “Black Lives Matter.”
Stay with Fox Account as we abide to amend you on the civic protests throughout the night. I’m Ashley Strohmier. Now aback to THE GREG GUTFELD SHOW.
GUTFELD: It’s time for eyewitness mail. That affair that happens on the anniversary shows, because we’re aloof too lazy. Actuality are aloof a scattering of the dozens you submitted on Facebook and Twitter. And as always, these are directed to anybody alike myself.
Paul, you know, Paul. He asked on our Facebook page, what were your admired TV shows aback you were a young? I accept to go to Tyrus aboriginal because you what you apparently watched as abundant TV as I did.
MURDOCH: “Latchkey Kid.” Yes. How about aggregate on the two channels we had, but, apparently my best favorite, which I still watch today is apparently “The Incredible Hulk.” That was my — that was my favorite. I adulation the “A-Team” and the “Dukes of Hazzard” wasn’t too bad either.
GUTFELD: Did you anytime watch “Shazam” and the “Mighty Isis Hour”?
MURDOCH: Yes, I did. That was good, too.
GUTFELD: Active about in the Winnebago.
MURDOCH: The Winnebago and they consistently flew over the aforementioned mountain.
GUTFELD: Yes. But you apperceive who was hot? The woman who played Isis. That bistered lady, Joanne something? I had the bigger drove on her afore I alike apperceive what a drove was and I didn’t accept any adolescence issues. But you know, I aloof like admired her. I’m action to move on now because I’m starting to be ashamed by my own thoughts.
I’m action by age and Tom, what did you — what was your admired appearance growing up?
SHILLUE: None of the shows that I admired would accomplish it on TV today. I admired “Hogan’s Heroes,” “F Troop,” “Beverly Hillbillies.” None of them would accomplish it accomplished the angle meeting.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. That is true. Because you are a — you continued for the acceptable old days, don’t you Tom? That counts for something.
SHILLUE: Yes. And Isis was absolute gorgeous. Additionally Lindsay Wagner, the “Bionic Woman.” Amazing and Linda Carter as “Wonder Woman.” Fantastic.
GUTFELD: All right, so it’s Joanna Cameron was Isis. I absolutely had — I did a night of assignment with Linda Carter aperture for a Nordic Track abundance in Bethesda, Maryland. Aback I was alive for men’s health. She did not like me.
But afresh afresh a lot of bodies didn’t like me aback then, Joey, and I don’t accusation them. What did you — what was your admired appearance growing up? I adulation this question.
JONES: Oh, I was I was a Nick at night kid. “I Adulation Lucy.” You know, all those shows on Nick at night. But my dad had me able-bodied acquainted into “Bonanza, and “Gunsmoke.” So I got a acceptable antithesis there.
MURDOCH: Oh, acceptable choice.
GUTFELD: No “Big Valley.” No “Big Valley” with Heath? That’s absolutely old. You guys are aloof staring at me. The “Big Valley.”
SHILLUE: Abundant show. No, it’s great, Greg.
GUTFELD: Thank you. Shut up, Tom. Stop aggravating to ball into my insecurities. All right, Kat. You’re abandoned 32.
TIMPF: Not yet. October 29th, I’m 32.
GUTFELD: All right, we’re action to accept to anatomy you addition coffin.
TIMPF: That was a ancient deal.
GUTFELD: Yes. What’s the appearance you grew up with?
TIMPF: Books. Reading books. No “Alf.” “Alf” was my favorite. It’s still one of my favorites.
GUTFELD: Yes. You apperceive what I loved? “Six Million Dollar Man.” I was bedeviled with it because it accumulated everything. It had like science fiction. It had science fiction and technology. And like, you know, aback you were a kid, well, this is like, boys. You don’t accept to play, Kat. Did you apperceive aback you were a kid that you consistently anticipation you could lift up a car if it mattered? Did you anytime anticipate that?
MURDOCH: Well, I absolutely concluded up attaining that dream, Greg.
SHILLUE: He can lift anything, it doesn’t absolutely matter.
GUTFELD: Didn’t you anticipate that? Like —
MURDOCH: But “Six Million Dollar Man,” the Bigfoot adventure is my best favorite. It was a big special. Everybody saw it and Andre the Giant was Bigfoot.
GUTFELD: Yes. Oh, it was amazing. Do you bethink in the “Six Million Dollar Man” aback he fought the Seven Million Dollar Man, played by Monty Markham?
SHILLUE: Of course, we all remember, Greg.
GUTFELD: By the way, bionic dogs bethink the bionic dog? And afresh who was —
MURDOCH: Yes, German Shepherd?
GUTFELD: Who was the bionic boy? Vince Van Patten.
GUTFELD: Vic Van Patten’s son.
TIMPF: I heard he is such a woman.
MURDOCH: This is why they’re not in our cine group, Greg.
JONES: I feel like there’s a apprentice leg antic there somewhere.
MURDOCH: This is why they are not in our cine group.
GUTFELD: I know, if you can’t accept how alarming ’90s, and additionally “Colombo,” by the way, I apperceive we’re spending too abundant on this one question, but it’s the best question.
We abandoned had three stations ABC, CBS, NBC, we had a bounded station. You had a UHF base and you had PBS which had like “Monty Python” and “Goonies,” I anticipate it was called.
MURDOCH: “Gunshot and Doctor Who.”
GUTFELD: “Doctor Who,” but it’s like we — they arranged a lot of actuality into that, “Fernwood 2 Night,” “America Tonight,” “The Tonight Show,” Mike Douglas, Merv Griffin, Dinah Shore — there’s annihilation bigger than the 70s. Right? Nothing.
SHILLUE: So true. So true.
GUTFELD: Nothing. It’s like — you could about-face on Mike Douglas and John Lennon and Yoko Ono are sitting there with Mike Douglas, you know, and Paul Lynn would be the centermost aboveboard and Alan Sues would be on laughing.
All right, here’s addition question. Pdetour. Why do we alike bother with names? If there was a anniversary alleged afterwards you? How would it be celebrated? That’s a acceptable one, Kat?
TIMPF: I don’t apperceive like vaping and dancing around. And afresh aloof watching dateline annihilation mysteries, and afresh abatement asleep.
GUTFELD: There you go. That’s not the name, but that’s what you would do. Joey, what would be will be the name of your holiday?
TIMPF: That would be the name.
JONES: I don’t know. Yes, it would be it would a walkathon anybody would aloof airing in account of me and afresh maybe a little ambition practice. And some curls maybe. I don’t know.
GUTFELD: There you go. There you go. Tom.
SHILLUE: We already accept a barbershop quartet day. We already accept a civic trivia day. In fact, the abutting big trivia appearance is advancing up on Fox Nation on July 9th, we’re accomplishing a blessed hour.
GUTFELD: Oh, interesting.
SHILLUE: It’s appealing good.
GUTFELD: All the answers are action to be white bodies alive Tom. Tyrus.
MURDOCH: Oh man, I’ve accustomed this a lot of thought, acceptable assassination day. You abide your account of the annoying list, and if it gets accustomed by your peers. Aloof already a year.
TIMPF: I was afraid that you would be affronted by my vaping.
GUTFELD: Isn’t that already alleged the purge?
MURDOCH: Abandoned if it’s justifiable?
GUTFELD: I would accept a civic abbreviate guys who amount day because the actuality is abbreviate guys are discriminated everywhere they go. And it’s — we allegation to see — I anticipate abbreviate bodies invented added things than alpine people. I’m appealing sure. I don’t accept any stats.
MURDOCH: Well, you invented the add-on everything. You invented the footfall or the aerial armchair or the booster seat, you apperceive or the aerial heel. But in all your inventions, you consistently balloon what you’re not high, booster extended, you know.
GUTFELD: Like the continued clasper affair for the shelves. Well, no, I’m not action to get into article about my action anymore. What is your best memorable adolescence or developed Fourth of July memory? I assumption we had to do that because of the holidays.
TIMPF: I got a acceptable one.
GUTFELD: All right, Kat.
TIMPF: I do so I was in D.C. and I was in my aboriginal 20s.
GUTFELD: Aloof years ago.
TIMPF: I went to a bar and I didn’t appetite to because I was done drinking. But my accompany were with me and they capital to go drink, so I went to the bar with them and a guy offered to buy me a alcohol but I didn’t appetite one. So I asked for a basin of mollusk chowder.
He got me the basin of mollusk chowder, and afresh he got me two added bowls of mollusk chowder. So I sat there and I ate three bowls of mollusk chowder, and afresh I went home and I don’t apperceive why he did that, because it’s not like I went home with him or if he would anticipation I was action to because like, I haven’t heard that about chowder.
GUTFELD: Well, I anticipate the affair is, afterwards you had your third basin of mollusk chowder, he didn’t appetite you to appear home with him.
TIMPF: No, he is still did. I accept a catch.
GUTFELD: There is abandoned one bath in the flat apartment.
TIMPF: I accept a catch. I accept a catch. Yes, Tyrus? It’s not as bad?
MURDOCH: Mine’s affectionate of sad. You anytime accept one of those neighbors how like knows everything. You know, like, he’s consistently inventing stuff. He’s consistently a air-conditioned guy. We had this one guy in a neighborhood. He got in an altercation with his wife because she said his fireworks are too abutting to the barbecue pit.
And his wife was right, and all of his fireworks blew up and he absent his pinky.
TIMPF: Later he came to bar and bought me chowder.
GUTFELD: And the best allotment was, she wouldn’t booty him to the hospital because he adapted it and she didn’t appetite to drain in their base wagon. Best altercation ever.
GUTFELD: No, I consistently say this, Tom, if you’re action to lose something, accomplish it a pinky.
SHILLUE: Yes, that’s true. Well, we would coquette with danger. On the Fourth we consistently — we would go to the fireworks and they would acquaint those afterglow sticks, you apperceive the afterglow stick. We would breach the afterglow sticks and rub the afterglow all over our anatomy and afresh we’d be glowing.
TIMPF: You did that, Tom?
SHILLUE: Yes. I’m abiding there was annihilation amiss with that. Those chemicals.
MURDOCH: Didn’t afterglow sticks appear out in ’91?
GUTFELD: Joey, I would like to apologize for my pinky comment. My ambassador said hey, Joey’s there. It’s like okay.
JONES: You know, aback I absitively to be a bomb tech, my mom calls me and goes you know, they told me you lose at atomic one anatomy allotment if you become a bomb tech and I said, well, Mama, overachiever. Actuality we go.
But no, Fourth of July for me is consistently about fireworks and addition accepting hurt. My dad was a big appearance and we would shoot canteen rockets at anniversary other. So, that was a ancestors activity.
GUTFELD: You know, the best smell. The best aroma was actionable firecrackers in canteen rockets. The aroma of rice cardboard and armament and you’d accumulate them in a cigar box and you bought them from the sketchiest kid in your class. And he would go —
MURDOCH: Blooming bomb.
GUTFELD: Can you still say Chinatown? You go to Chinatown and buy blooming bombs. You could buy say Chinatown. I don’t apperceive anymore.
TIMPF: It’s a place.
MURDOCH: An absolute city.
JONES: Still breach Chinatown.
MURDOCH: It’s an absolute city. So, I anticipate —
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, it is. It is. and it’s a movie. Cancel that movie. Up next. No agreeable on rollercoasters. What is the angel advancing to? That’s next.
GUTFELD: No, you’re not dreaming. Japan has banned screaming. Godzilla has got to be angry. That country’s affair esplanade associations accept laid out new recommendations for the country’s rollercoasters, which accept now reopened, amid them — no shouting or screaming. The guidelines board bigger sanitation practices — that can’t be bad — facemask and amusing breach to acquiesce for a safer esplanade experience.
Also, all accouchement allegation be absolutely covered in adhesive and placed in soundproof metal containers. That doesn’t complete right. But no screaming? That’s all I do aback I go to Disneyland. Those tea cups are terrifying. Oh god.
Meanwhile, esplanade advisers are encouraged to allocution as little as accessible with barter and accumulate their distance. Action parks that ban the announcement action though? I admiration what that would attending like.
[VIDEO CLIP PLAYS]
GUTFELD: They would be abundant in the advanced row of a ball club. All right, Tom, let’s aloof get you over with, with your little bluster about this all actuality a cabal and COVID not existing.
SHILLUE: Yes, well, they’re demography the joy out of everything, Greg. I mean, we don’t accept to scream anyway, we do it for fun. And we do it to try to alarm the bodies in line. You know, you’re on the roller coaster and you appear bottomward and it wasn’t alike that great. But you waited so long. You act like it was great. You say, oh, you’re action to be absolutely afraid aback you get on this one.
So they’re demography the joy out of everything.
GUTFELD: Isn’t the COVID ache targeting things in action that are fun, like action parks, restaurants and grandparents? These are all the abundant things.
JONES: Well, you know, if everyone’s cutting a mask, we’re all agreeable you can’t do one and not do the other. You can’t apprehend anyone anyways, it’s adamantine abundant for addition with my emphasis to adjustment at a drive-thru abundant beneath allocution through a mask.
GUTFELD: Kat, wouldn’t it be abundant if COVID banned like arid actuality like HR meetings.
TIMPF: That’s an absorbing archetype to choose, but yes, the arid stuff. Abundant but this would accomplish it added arid or at atomic to acquaint them. You watch the commercials and you don’t want, you know, bodies attending like they’re aloof on their drive in the morning on the roller coaster.
But you know, I don’t see how you accomplish it either absolutely unless you’re action to — are they hiring bodies to sit on the rollercoasters and blackout the bodies who are screaming? Because if so, I abdicate and I appetite that job.
GUTFELD: Yes. You could be that you could be that woman that’s shouting at them. Why are you screaming?
TIMPF: Shut up. See how acceptable I am? Shut up.
GUTFELD: Oh my God. That’s amazing. That’s action to be you in 10 years.
TIMPF: It’s me now.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, are you a rollercoaster fan?
MURDOCH: No, because of some of the things in your action that you don’t get to do. My legs don’t fit in roller coasters so I gave that joy up aback I was about 12.
But there is a cultural difference. I’ve wrestled in Japan a dozen times and they do culturally do — they acclamation at the end. They usually authority their joy at the end. They do absolutely a appealing acceptable job of like it can be absolutely quiet because they appetite to watch.
So it is, I assumption if they are advancing from that standpoint, it’s apparently easier for them to authority their joy at the end, but they accept to be able to let it out. So they accept to airing 15 anxiety from the roller coaster like yes, you know, aloof agilely you know, anybody wait, and afresh they get in the scream zone, you know, area they all put debris accoutrements over themselves so they can scream.
You know, but it’s absolutely — how do you accomplish it? Do you accept Kat Timpf at the basal with little clicker with cheese. That’s her cat. If you accept to our podcast, and I got six screens here, there’s 12 of you. Who’s going? Who’s going? You know, oh, no one. All of you, out. Like literally, Timpf the abhorrent is blame bodies out of action parks because she is in allegation of the scream count.
TIMPF: Best job anytime and I currently get paid to allocution about absorbing shouter adventures actually.
GUTFELD: Yes. Authority the joy to the end. That sounds weird. I don’t know. Architecture a toilet for the moon. Yes we can.
GUTFELD: Can you brainstorm the moon afterwards a bathroom? If we could accelerate a man into space, why can’t we anatomy a toilet up there to? NASA wants to accelerate a moon lander up in 2024. So now they appetite bodies to accelerate NASA designs for a toilet that can be acclimated on the moon, and they’re alms $35,000.00 in prices. So I’m in. Actuality the specs.
The toilet needs to board men and women. It should conserve water, advice accumulate the moon lander chargeless of odor and contaminants. It should be that way on Earth. And NASA adds quote, “Bonus credibility will be awarded to architecture additional abduction barf afterwards acute the aggregation affiliate to put their arch in the toilet.” These guys party.
All right, claiming accepted, NASA. We’ve all fatigued some designs actuality at the show, so we’re action to booty a look. Tom, what’s your design?
SHILLUE: Okay, Greg, abundance takes advantage of the already all-encompassing arrangement of craters on the moon see it’s a absolute simple armchair and the astronaut aloof puts it on top of the atrium and bottomward it goes.
GUTFELD: That is perfect. Well, Kat. Tyrus, your next.
MURDOCH: Able-bodied you know, the affair of force so aggregate comes up, so what I did was, I advised a beer bell with a broiler bellows of the old. You can cull it. You can additionally adapt the bark with a attempt aback on blot but a beer bell and the old broiler bellows accord it a acceptable — accept your associate advance in and out, assimilation comes , and you can bandy up in it, you can let it go.
It’s the absolute — and you can haversack it in a haversack wherever you go.
GUTFELD: This aloof adeptness be the best articulation that has anytime appeared on Fox News.
MURDOCH: I apperceive you’re happy.
GUTFELD: In the history. You apperceive this is fabricated for me.
MURDOCH: I fabricated three of them for you. I’ll column the added ones on Twitter.
GUTFELD: This is the best, Kat.
TIMPF: It’s affectionate of — it’s affectionate of intricate. I don’t apperceive if you can see it.
GUTFELD: Let’s see.
GUTFELD: Wow. Wow.
GUTFELD: Can you explain?
TIMPF: Well, that was what I was action to draw, but NASA already did it. Yes.
GUTFELD: You plagiarized.
TIMPF: No, that’s NASA’s. I’m giving them acclaim to accomplish a point. Okay. This seems absolutely difficult. That’s their accepted amplitude toilet. And if there’s out there who aboriginal of all has the adeptness to do not aloof that, but bigger than that; additional of all, has the time, they don’t allegation a prize. They allegation a job at NASA. Okay.
Because if they accept the adeptness they deserve it, and if they accept the time, they acutely don’t accept a job. Hire these people.
GUTFELD: Yes. All right, Joey, what accept you got?
JONES: Yes. Analysis this out. So in account of the Democratic President that got us to the moon, we’re action to use article that attracts animal waste, like and another, the Democratic platform, complete with a cycle of Constitution toilet paper, because that’s area we are today.
GUTFELD: Man, I anticipate —
MURDOCH: I won. I won.
GUTFELD: Wait, I haven’t done mine. I haven’t done mine. Attending at mine. Attending at mine. So there’s your butt, right? And you aloof accomplish abiding you got a absolutely continued affair that sends all the decay artefact to Belgium, because we’re not alike abiding if Belgium exists, right? I aloof best that arbitrarily because I went to Belgium once.
TIMPF: So we all got an e-mail admonishing us to be accurate with application anatomy parts. And afresh that’s your submission.
MURDOCH: I am the winner.
SHILLUE: Greg was like, cipher anatomy parts. Don’t acknowledgment any countries.
TIMPF: Big butt. Appropriate in my face.
MURDOCH: Cut my check, NASA.
GUTFELD: But do you appetite to apprehend article absolutely amazing? I anticipate Tyrus adeptness accept won.
GUTFELD: but I do like Tom’s. But here’s the absorbing affair about this story. If you break this one problem, you absolutely break the absolute sanitation affair on Earth, right? Because if you invented a new way to actuate of account in a non-gravity situation, how could that not advice us on Earth? It’s aloof like Tang aback they invented Tang for space. It helped us like Velcro and Tang. That’s the abandoned two things I can anticipate of. But the actuality is, if we saw this —
MURDOCH: Gatorade and sports.
MURDOCH: Gatorade and sports.
GUTFELD: Gatorade and sports. If we break this problem, we will never see account again. So I anticipate that it should all be done aback aback you’re asleep. Go to bed. They angle up the pipe, and afresh you deathwatch up and it’s gone. It’s like account elves. I’ve talked about account elves. Account elves are the elves that appear and booty your poop.
I’m action to shut up now. This is action to be —
MURDOCH: I’d like to go to commercial.
GUTFELD: You know, this appearance is action to be cardinal one. We’re action to be cardinal one with that segment. All right. Added show, next.
ANNOUNCER: Final Thoughts. It’s the aftermost thought. That’s why it’s alleged the final thoughts, okay.
GUTFELD: We abandoned accept time for one. Joey?
JONES: Yes, I wrote a allotment on http://foxnews.com about our Civic Anthem and why it agency so abundant to me and how it has aggressive this country through things like angry the Nazis and accepting to the Civil Rights Movement and alike what we’re accomplishing today to accomplish this country a bigger abode for everybody.
So go analysis it out and I anticipate the Civic Anthem is the absolute song because no one can sing it and we don’t accept to accept to them try. I like the song and I anticipate it’s absolute for us.
GUTFELD: Thank you Joey, Tom, Katherine, and Tyrus. Abundant show. I’m Greg Garfield. I adulation you, America. Blessed Fourth.
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